<Warning, I will be discussing death by suicide in today’s post.>
There is a trait. An inherent aspect that 1/5th of the population carries in their DNA.
The psychologist, Elaine Aron, discovered this trait and coined the term the highly sensitive person (HSP) with her research and book by the same name.
When I discovered this research, it was a turning point in my life. It helped me process not only my own experiences in life, but also understand more of the experiences of others. Particularly the three others I knew personally who took their own lives.
In 1987, my quiet uncle Ricky, early 20’s, my Dad’s youngest brother, died by suicide.
In 1996, my high school friend Ryan, 19, maybe 20, the one I’d gone on a few dates with, died by suicide.
And in 2013, my entrepreneurial uncle Gary, the second of four, late 50’s, died by suicide.
These guys were all HSPs. For sure.
Consider for a moment, on our quest for 100, that suicide is the most preventable death.
So I urge you, please take this self-assessment on Dr. Aron’s site. Or this one about your child if you are a parent.
I’ve found it is easier to live with this trait knowing that the world was designed by the other 80%, the Dandelions.
I’ve shared this week’s post with the entire list, including many of my peers and friends in the strategy community, because this is another aspect of health that overlaps heavily with the workplace.
In my experience, more than the natural distribution of 20% of the people drawn to strategy work are HSP.
I believe that the features and functions of the body almost always prove to serve a purpose.
So what purpose does a highly sensitive nervous system serve?
From an evolution stand-point, HSPs notice the threats.
You protect us Orchids and we’ll keep your asses alive, Dandelions!
Researcher, consultant and speaker on this topic, as well as HSP herself, Alane Freund, describes the traits of an HSP as superpowers. Judge for yourself, how would you rate a person who:
thinks deeply about things
constantly comes up with solutions to problems
prefers one and done over try, try again
notices subtle differences in the environment (signals of trends, research results that are meaningful, emotional micro-expressions of people)
Sounds like an A+ strategist to me.
BUT
These traits come inextricably linked with others.
HSPs are sensitive to stimulus. So lots of stimulus, such as noise, lights, and lots of people, can require time and concerted effort for nervous system down-regulation.
That means sleep and other things. CranioSacral Therapy is clearly something I’ve found that works for me in this department. But also the meditation, acupuncture, time spent in nature, and lots of movement paired with breath work as in Pilates and Gyrokinesis/Gyrotonic.
Over stimulation without down-regulation leads to illness.
Three years ago, Alane Freund did a “Talks at Google” on the topic of Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person that is chock full of insight. I highly recommend multiple viewings for all.
Yes, Google is progressive.
As of last week, HSPs are going main-stream, though. We made it into a Fast Company article touting our unique lens on the world:
If you do identify as an HSP, the goal becomes staying within each of our individual healthy means. And knowing that what is good for an HSP, is GOOD FOR EVERYBODY. We are just bothered by it first.
Here is the example that helps me know this so that I cannot unknow it.
Returning for a moment to my uncles and friend, each of them experienced a social shift in their life that is a tragic expression of Johan Hari’s book Lost Connections.
Ready for an empty nest, my grandparents moved from Dallas to their lake house an hour and a half away, taking my young-adult uncle with them. Ricky lost all his friends. This was 1987; there were no cell phones.
Ryan lost all his friends when our group scattered to universities out of town and out of state.
Gary ran a successful auto body shop for a number of years. FedEx was his main client for decades. When they went through a consolidation process and he lost the account, he lost his business and all of his employees. He, too, lost all his friends.
A sense of belonging is healthy for all of us.
An environment that is unhealthy will have consequences for the Orchids first.
I end with a request to the Dandelions: please take a moment, soften and tune in to your body’s inner knowing. Make some space for us Orchids. We just might make you rich in the process.
And we’ll certainly get you closer to a robust 100 years of age.
Great post. A few thoughts:
1) A lot of interesting research over the past few years has shown that the trigger warning at the start of this post likely causes more stress than the subject it was warning about. I'd be curious to know your thoughts on that.
2) I'm fascinated by the concept of traits and disorders being superpowers. As the saying goes (I've heard this said twice in the past week): The brighter a light shines, the darker the shadow it casts.
3) I'm sure you know it, but if not, check out the new book, "The Good Life" by the folks at the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Fascinating stuff.
Hi Chris - thank you for sharing your reflections.
In the context of this missive, I led with a headline about HSPs and I tied to suicide. Not a topic everyone has the energy to think about on Monday morning and I wanted to give an indication of the level of vulnerable share I was about to reveal.
I think language matters a lot. I try to choose the words (and habits) that serve a brighter light and diffuse the shadow.
Thank you for book suggestion, on it!